Looking at the date the last entry was written brings back thoughts of the swirl of ups and downs that we've been through these 4 months. December 5th is the posting date, although it was sometime just after midnight that morning. The 5th was J's 35th birthday, and was business as usual, until I decided that maybe there was something to his recent pestering that he thought I was pg. I had told myself the day before that, just in case he was right, I wanted to find out on Christmas, just 3 weeks away, like we did last time with L. C surprised us with her test being on our 2nd wedding anniversary, and we liked having a symbolic 'holiday'. Then, when I got with it and realized it was J's birthday that day, I thought that might be kind of cool - if he was right, which I didn't think he was.
So L and I picked a test or two up at Wal-Mart, and within an hour, I knew we were on the road to being a party of five! I was THRILLED (a little shocked - but soooo happy!) This was not a particularly planned baby, but VERY MUCH WANTED!!! We had discussed the possibility more than once in the past few months. I couldn't wait for J to get home - I took a little picture frame, and put inside - written on scrapbooking paper that said "baby" in different fonts all over it, "You were right! Love, Me" - and put it where he would see it as he would be changing for dinner that night.
I expected an 'I told you so,' but what I got was the happy dance and "I want to tell everyone TONIGHT!" With the miscarriage a couple of years ago, we were slow to tell many people because there were some troubles with one of the babies since the beginning, plus the disbelief that there were two, so we were going to wait until my birthday to make the announcement, but sadly, the announcement was not what we had expected. So this time, we did - we told everyone, even the kids.
I had instant good feelings about this pregnancy. In fact, only 3 days later, I was dreadfully sick and stayed that way until last week of January. Thanksgiving and Christmas are a blur to me now, as I couldn't enjoy the seasonal foods or even feel like wrapping, decorating, etc. with the extreme nausea and headaches. Of course, through the misery and laying around, I had plenty of time to think about how awesome it was that we would have three - and then a wave of absolute fear would creep in and I would think, 'WHAT HAVE WE DONE!!'. Especially guilt. Lots of that for C & L. I was pretty much bipolar in my thoughts some of the time, but really do love being pregnant, and expected the sickness to subside any day. Mom even cheered me up one day with a very productive and exciting shopping trip to the Motherhood store. We CLEANED HOUSE on the clearanced Pea in a Pod and Mimi items. They were beautiful!
We were at a friends' 40th birthday party one Saturday night at the end of January when I realized that I felt GREAT!! I looked a heck of a lot better, too. There was no denying the need for maternity clothes and I wore one of my favorite outfits that night. Lots of those, "Oh, you're glowing!" compliments, and I really needed them after those last 8 weeks. I ate real food, and a normal amount and thought, "YES! I am me again!" The next day was good too, so I went ahead and bought in to the idea that things were going to start looking up.
That Wednesday was my 4 month check-up. I was excited to finally sound a lot less whiney to Dr. M. and hear the heart beat again. The last appt.'s heartbeat was 178, he said it 'sounded like a girl' to him. All was good as I went in for the lab work, where all started going not-so-good. I'll not be graphic, but the signs of distress showed up right there in the dr.'s office, which in retrospect, was a blessing. In the exam room, neither the nurse or Dr. M. could find a heartbeat, but both repeatedly assured me everything was probably fine, and this happens alllll the time. So, since it was Wed., the ultrasound tech was up and ready so she would fit me in so that I didn't have to go home wondering...thank you?
2 hours later, we have ultrasound. It took no time for the baby to be VERY visible (they have a 52" plasma ultrasound screen now) and it was only 6 feet in front of me. There was this perfect-looking little baby. The head, body, limbs, all proportionate. I heard lots of clicking from the tech, and as she sees me smiling as I'm just going back and forth from head to toe with my eyes, she stops me by placing her hand on mine and says, "There is no heartbeat, honey" so genuinely sorry, with tears in her eyes. (She later disclosed her only daughter had the same experience just two days prior, with her as the tech.)
Well it was just total disbelief from the beginning. I hadn't ever paid much attention to the 5 stages of grief, but from all that I have read since this day, I was pretty much working like a text-book case. I did not and could not BELIEVE her. Everything was fine - 'the sicker the mommy, the healthier the baby many times' - Dr. M. had said (and said). I was just here for a regular appt.! And my husband wasn't there - you don't find these things out alone. But I did, and it was horrible. I knew I'd start crying - I knew when it came it was gonna be big, and it was. Lasted for about 5 days (thank goodness for those amazing knock-you-on-your-butt pills from Dr. M).
We went back to Dr. M's office and spent an hour discussing - everything. J came at the very beginning. I just couldn't turn off that faucet and sobbed to where I don't remember much. But we decided the D&C should be performed as soon as possible, which was 5:30 the next morning.
I feel and felt so badly for how I treated and reacted to all the wonderful, caring, gentle nurses and doctors that took care of me until I was released around 3:30 that day. At first I felt numb, emotionally, and then the sadness came and I cried until I was anesthetically out. Then I woke up a little later than expected post-surgery to someone's ringtone that was Brahm's Lullaby. Now if that wasn't adding insult to injury! I yelled something out that I honestly can't remember and then just pulled the sheet over my head and I wouldn't take it off, even to talk to the staff. Pretty rude, but I couldn't face it anymore, it just made it all too real.
From all the reading I have done from the prior miscarriage and now this one, I feel better prepared for my feelings and for the reactions of others. Some people reach right out there, maybe they've been there, maybe not, but they immediately see the need that you need people to 'check in' on you, even if you can't talk or verbalize anything yet. Some people bring food and their company. Some people are downright insensitive and may or may not have any idea they are being so. They really should have stayed home/not called. Oh happy day.
Some other people can empathize and understand what a lonely, isolated grieving it is. How no one else felt the movement, no one else lied around sick all day fantasizing about holding up this baby in the air and making faces at her, and feeling her soft, baby skin, rocking her to bed at night while singing her very own personal lullaby.
And then there are all the questions. My own question, the obvious one, "Why? Why would I get pregnant these times only to lose and lose again? Am I not fit? Am I too greedy while there are so many children out there to be adopted? Did I do something / eat something to cause this? Am I being punished?..." And then there is that continual question people ask that I just don't have the answer to: "Will you try again?" We just don't know. Sometimes I think absolutely, sometimes I think I just can't go through this again.
This is by far the most (only?) personal entry on this blog. We all deal with these things differently, and it's taken a while for me to talk/write openly like I have here, but I do know that each time I do, I feel a little more healed. I wouldn't wish this kind of sorrow on anyone, and if you don't know the sorrow first-hand, consider yourself lucky.
God knows what He's doing, all the time. My plans are not always His plans, and that's okay. One of my all-time favorite lines from one of my all-time favorite movies is from "Little Women" where Marmy is putting Jo to bed, tucking her in, and tells her that when she prays for her, she asks (among other things) that He sends only enough heartache as He sees fit." He saw fit. And I'm still here, and by golly I have two of the best kids I've ever met and am smitten with them from morning till night. Already, I've been able to identify with others who have gone through this tragedy recently (one experienced her loss the very same day) and we are a comfort to each other. When you think of running (for me) a mile and how hard that's gonna be, but then you see your friend run a mile and think, "Well, I think I can do it now," it's that kind of thought that helps me press on. It's also that I know I can't change these circumstances, but I can only learn and grow from them.
I'm really thinking that it's about time for some more lively posts, don't you?
Tune in...
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Friday, December 5, 2008
It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year!
The rules:
1. Post the rules on your blog.
2. Fill out the questions below
3. Tag 5-7 people at the end of your post.
4. Pass on the tag. Have FUN!!
1.Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate? Egg Nog. I buy the creamer, I go to Braum's for the ice cream, McD's has the best shakes - well, they're tied with Sonic - can't get enough. Hot chocolate? You can have that anytime.
2.Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree? Under another tree - "Oh! Look what I just found in the basement!! Santa must have dropped this on his way out!"
3. Colored lights on tree/house or white? Hey, I'd take either. But I think we're gonna look for some green ones on clearance after Christmas this year. J and I both agree that they are our favorite.
4. Do you hang mistletoe? Nope. It's hard enough to keep up with all the invisible mistletoe J seems to see everywhere.
5. When do you put your decorations up? The week of Thanksgiving...usually the Monday or Tuesday before Thanksgiving. It was challenging this year, though. I don't know where anything goes. So I actually (almost) finished today - a week after Thanksgiving.
6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)? Probably Granny Fancy's perfect mashed potatoes smothered in big, fat Reames noodles accompanied by homemade bread. Go carbs!
7. Favorite holiday memory as a child: Too many to list, but playing Christmas music duets - particularly "Here Comes Santa Claus" - with my Granny Fancy on her piano. Still doing that one.
8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? I'm always the skeptic, so I honestly can't remember actually believing the whole Santa bit. I remember questioning my skepticism though when my sister swore, at a very young age, that she saw the shadow of Santa's sleigh on the wall of the bedroom. She's never been one to exaggerate.
9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? Yes. In fact Christmas Eve is our Christmas with my Mom, Dad, Sister, and her boyfriend. We begin the 23rd with a trip to SDC together, come back to the lake house for the annual treats and viewing of "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation", which we know verbatim, and then "A Christmas Story", of course.
10. How do you decorate your Christmas Tree? Two trees: upstairs tree is a larger, prelit tree loaded with whites and golds from Mom's old front window tree I used to admire in her home so much. The downstairs tree is decidely the family favorite, with all of the 'meaningful', crafty, nostalgic ornaments of a variety of colors.
11. Snow! Love it or Dread it? Love it, love it, love it. Teachers and snow go hand in hand.
12. Can you ice skate? No. In fact I found out last spring at a birthday party that I can barely even roller skate anymore.
13. Do you remember your favorite gift? Yup. Engagement ring. Still have the little Charlie Brown Christmas tree he propsed in front of - and the ring, of course.
14. What is the most important thing about the Holidays for you? Sharing traditions and making new ones with my children. Experiencing the daily excitement of the activities we enjoy just at this time of year.
15. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert? ENGLISH TOFFEE, 'nuf said.
16. What is your favorite holiday tradition? Since C was 1 year old (almost 2), we have never missed the annual Nutcracker ballet performance. I think I would rather eat Ramen Noodles for a month than not scrounge up the $$ for this special, special night we share. We get dolled up, go to dinner downtown, lately she takes along her special American Girl Doll who matches her, and enjoy a magical night at the ballet. It truly is just that, magical.
17. What tops your tree? A fiberoptic angel that moves - but lost her fiberoptic-ness this year :(
18. Which do you prefer giving or receiving? Giving! The thrill and excitement of anticipating the reaction of the receiver after all the thought, bargaining, hunting, wrapping, etc. that has gone into the gift is a complete Christmas 'high'. Although, I do try and make it easy on family and have a (small) list. It's the thoughtful thing to do.
19. What is your favorite Christmas Song? "I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day" by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. Still can't sing verse three without choking up. What a man - wrote my favorite song, AND my favorite poem ('Midnight Ride of Paul Revere').
20. Candy Canes! Yuck or Yum? Kind of one of those that until 2 years ago, I'd have said 'yuck', but something happened when I had that first Peppermint Mocha at Starbucks and now I seek out peppermint/chocolate blended recipes this time of year. Love to stir them in my coffee, and also pop a piece in my mouth along with a Hershey's chocolate kiss.
21. What do you want for Christmas? I want a Christmas like Sara Groves sings about in track #5 on her new Christmas album: "To Be With You."
22. Do you attend an annual Christmas Party? Isn't everyday a party around Christmas? I guess that's a no.
23. Do you dress up on Christmas or wear PJs? PJ's! In fact, I don't even shop for Christmas 'outfits' anymore for us, it's all about the new PJ's.
24. Do you own a santa hat? No, but I have floppy reindeer headbands I'll be wearing this weekend at the Reindeer Cheer competition!
25. Who do you normally spend Christmas with? My family, His family, Our family.
I Tag: Angie & Becky - & anyone else reading this blog! You could just email it to me, ya know. :)
The rules:
1. Post the rules on your blog.
2. Fill out the questions below
3. Tag 5-7 people at the end of your post.
4. Pass on the tag. Have FUN!!
1.Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate? Egg Nog. I buy the creamer, I go to Braum's for the ice cream, McD's has the best shakes - well, they're tied with Sonic - can't get enough. Hot chocolate? You can have that anytime.
2.Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree? Under another tree - "Oh! Look what I just found in the basement!! Santa must have dropped this on his way out!"
3. Colored lights on tree/house or white? Hey, I'd take either. But I think we're gonna look for some green ones on clearance after Christmas this year. J and I both agree that they are our favorite.
4. Do you hang mistletoe? Nope. It's hard enough to keep up with all the invisible mistletoe J seems to see everywhere.
5. When do you put your decorations up? The week of Thanksgiving...usually the Monday or Tuesday before Thanksgiving. It was challenging this year, though. I don't know where anything goes. So I actually (almost) finished today - a week after Thanksgiving.
6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)? Probably Granny Fancy's perfect mashed potatoes smothered in big, fat Reames noodles accompanied by homemade bread. Go carbs!
7. Favorite holiday memory as a child: Too many to list, but playing Christmas music duets - particularly "Here Comes Santa Claus" - with my Granny Fancy on her piano. Still doing that one.
8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? I'm always the skeptic, so I honestly can't remember actually believing the whole Santa bit. I remember questioning my skepticism though when my sister swore, at a very young age, that she saw the shadow of Santa's sleigh on the wall of the bedroom. She's never been one to exaggerate.
9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? Yes. In fact Christmas Eve is our Christmas with my Mom, Dad, Sister, and her boyfriend. We begin the 23rd with a trip to SDC together, come back to the lake house for the annual treats and viewing of "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation", which we know verbatim, and then "A Christmas Story", of course.
10. How do you decorate your Christmas Tree? Two trees: upstairs tree is a larger, prelit tree loaded with whites and golds from Mom's old front window tree I used to admire in her home so much. The downstairs tree is decidely the family favorite, with all of the 'meaningful', crafty, nostalgic ornaments of a variety of colors.
11. Snow! Love it or Dread it? Love it, love it, love it. Teachers and snow go hand in hand.
12. Can you ice skate? No. In fact I found out last spring at a birthday party that I can barely even roller skate anymore.
13. Do you remember your favorite gift? Yup. Engagement ring. Still have the little Charlie Brown Christmas tree he propsed in front of - and the ring, of course.
14. What is the most important thing about the Holidays for you? Sharing traditions and making new ones with my children. Experiencing the daily excitement of the activities we enjoy just at this time of year.
15. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert? ENGLISH TOFFEE, 'nuf said.
16. What is your favorite holiday tradition? Since C was 1 year old (almost 2), we have never missed the annual Nutcracker ballet performance. I think I would rather eat Ramen Noodles for a month than not scrounge up the $$ for this special, special night we share. We get dolled up, go to dinner downtown, lately she takes along her special American Girl Doll who matches her, and enjoy a magical night at the ballet. It truly is just that, magical.
17. What tops your tree? A fiberoptic angel that moves - but lost her fiberoptic-ness this year :(
18. Which do you prefer giving or receiving? Giving! The thrill and excitement of anticipating the reaction of the receiver after all the thought, bargaining, hunting, wrapping, etc. that has gone into the gift is a complete Christmas 'high'. Although, I do try and make it easy on family and have a (small) list. It's the thoughtful thing to do.
19. What is your favorite Christmas Song? "I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day" by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. Still can't sing verse three without choking up. What a man - wrote my favorite song, AND my favorite poem ('Midnight Ride of Paul Revere').
20. Candy Canes! Yuck or Yum? Kind of one of those that until 2 years ago, I'd have said 'yuck', but something happened when I had that first Peppermint Mocha at Starbucks and now I seek out peppermint/chocolate blended recipes this time of year. Love to stir them in my coffee, and also pop a piece in my mouth along with a Hershey's chocolate kiss.
21. What do you want for Christmas? I want a Christmas like Sara Groves sings about in track #5 on her new Christmas album: "To Be With You."
22. Do you attend an annual Christmas Party? Isn't everyday a party around Christmas? I guess that's a no.
23. Do you dress up on Christmas or wear PJs? PJ's! In fact, I don't even shop for Christmas 'outfits' anymore for us, it's all about the new PJ's.
24. Do you own a santa hat? No, but I have floppy reindeer headbands I'll be wearing this weekend at the Reindeer Cheer competition!
25. Who do you normally spend Christmas with? My family, His family, Our family.
I Tag: Angie & Becky - & anyone else reading this blog! You could just email it to me, ya know. :)
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Game On
Hmmm...Let's see. February 15th was the last posting. What in the world could have slipped in to my life about that time that might have prevented keeping up with this thing? Could it be:
1. That's about the time that MAP preparation becomes quite intense, on top of the job of maintaining the regular curriculum the rest of the day
2. Entire family took 6 weeks to fight the long-standing flu that was conveniently a non-covered strain by the flu shots we took
3. House was finished being framed, and so the decisions, price comparative shopping, and more intensive involvement was required
4. Wasn't there an ice storm?
5. Neighbor whose wireless internet service I was bumming got evicted (I never said I was perfect)
Honestly, there's really no excuse for the few minutes it takes a day - or week - to log in and write a few lines down. So, with my insomnia that hasn't seemed to fade since I'm staying home, I will do my best to find time to update, but, as the title says, No Guarantees!
I honestly do wish I had been a better documenter over these months. They were filled with changes and new experiences for the kids, and ohh... it just sickens me to think of all the funny moments I thought I wouldn't forget that I never wrote down. So, if you know of any, just send me a keyword and it will jog the memory, hopefully.
So there is no way I can pick up where I left off, but I can start with what is most fresh in my memory, and as I remember missed events worth writing about, I'll add them.
Fresh memory #1: Black Friday
I am not usually a participator in the Black Friday festivities. This year, however, there is quite obviously less stress in my life being a temporary SAHM (stay at home mom - although I hear that the acronym has other meanings...). I usually take one of the holiday days off and spend it in my classroom gearing up for the last month of the semester and decorating for the 'Winter Holiday'. This year, however, I partook in the 'wake your butt up at 2:40 am and stand in line at Kohl's with the other people who are shaking their heads in disbelief that they are there or else filled with amazing amounts of shopping adrenaline' route.
I had been tempted to head to the midnight madness at the outlet stores, but I knew I was gonna need sleep for the Kohl's and Sears rampages, and opted out. Maybe next year. My friend Ginger said it was worth the trouble, but not to go in the opening moments. It's all good at 1:00 am.
It was a surprisingly good experience, all the way around. We filed into Kohl's like regular, polite people - not the scrambling stampede I had pictured. I was with my very experienced friend, Becky, who had given me a number of tips the night before including to have lists attached to the adds in my purse. We hit the door, and she's gone - yelling out, "I've got my cell phone!" It was hilarious. My hand reached for the strap of the last shopping bag available (and we were not too far back in line) as I hear a desperate cry from behind me, "GRAB THAT BAG!!!" She wasn't talking to me. I got a little surge of excitement, and a rare streak of competitiveness, and realized the bag was entangled with another that someone ahead of me was trying to grab. She had a very intense look on her face and I got tickled at the entire situation. I had gone into the day thinking if I come back with nothing on my list, oh well. I'm only out a few hours sleep. She hadn't. I laughed harder, and in this, somehow got the bag. A few passersby were observing the incident and I felt them looking over it like vultures - "Perhaps NEITHER of them will get the bags!!! They're mine!!" I got the bag, and headed to toys.
Just this week, C was talking about her latest test, and that she got 100%, and observing that when she REALLY REALLY likes something, she gets a good grade without trying. We hadn't yet seen the test, and asked which test she was talking about. She said her science test. I said, with shock, "WHAT science test?" I'm a little bit obsessive about study guides, and hadn't seen one come home. She said, "The one about the states in the region." Oh, geography. I calmed down. She said she loves science-geography :) and wanted to know what kind of jobs they get. "Ummmmm.....archaeologists?"
That leads me to the first must-have toy, the interactive Leap Frog Globe, that had a significant price reduction. However, they were on the TOP SHELF. Panic set in, and as I stood there, Becky and a stranger approached, both wanting one as well. There were four. I dashed around looking for a clothes pole, to no avail. Then, I spotted mister tall, white and handsome, being a good husband, shopping with his wife - who looked a bit miffed when I approached him and asked him to get down three of those globes, which he did with ease. Oh, you tall people. The wonderful world you live in. So, success! We have globes!
That's all I needed so I headed to check out, and walked right up to the cashier. No problem. Hung around the front door waiting for Becky. A little too much time had passed, I figured, for her to find the fisher price digital camera she wanted, & wondered if all was well, so I called. "I can't find that (darn) camera ANYWHERE!" Just so happened that the general manager is my neighbor, & had been standing there talking to me. I asked him about it, he walkie talkied, and had a girl walking it up from the training room within minutes. Of course, this gentleman beside me overheard his request and stuck to me like glue, expressing how he was only there for that camera and really needed the camera. He even had memorized which page of the ad the camera was on: 17. Becky sensed the truth, that I was feeling a little pulled to guilt, and she assured me I needed to get rid of that feeling.
No one goes to the south side Wal-Mart expecting to get what they want on Black Friday. It's the busiest Wal-Mart - anywhere, maybe? I had zero hope. But we were in the parking lot already. We had planned to go to our hometown WMs on the way home as to avoid the popular WM, but went ahead and thought what the heck, let's just see. WOW. It had people, but NOTHING like I thought it would. I was #10 in line for the 50" plasma for J's birthday, Christmas, Father's Day, Easter, Valentine's, and then next year's birthday & Christmas - oh, and my Christmas. They don't usually even carry that brand, they told me, but brought it in as a little catnip to dangle. A little scary buying something that pricey sight-unseen, but it was literally 40% of most stores' price, and up to 50% off on a couple of sites on the internet that I checked. 90 return policy didn't hurt, either. Got everything we wanted - except for the $2.00 Christmas Vacation DVD.
On to McD's for a refueling - or maybe just the first fueling (it was only 5:25 at this point!) Almost went deaf due to the teenaged boys behind us and their ultra-cool system. I wonder sometimes if the passengers in those thumping cars might have something to say, but has to wait until they get to the destination to express any thoughts or opinions.
Sears was the next stop. Walked in, got more bargains that you can believe for $90. Two pair of 'boots with the fur' for C, a karaoke system with instruments for L, 2 adorable winter coates for the kids, pjs & matching slippers for me, and several very (surprisingly - not a Sears clothing fan, really) cute clothes for C. Crazy. And would you believe their service ROCKED! Not to mention they had the tv on display that I had just purchased for 20% more as their short term doorbuster price and it looked beautiful. I felt better.
Hmmm..did a little more mall shopping. Fun, fun, fun. Shopping while the sun comes up. Tttthhhheeeennnn wwweeee sssttaarrrrttteeeddd ttoooo ssssllllloooowwww dddooowwwnn. We needed a pick-me-up. Off to meet Angie at a local winery for muffins & mimosas - but not before we made one more stop at another WM for a couple of forgotten items. We followed up the stop with Angie with a real meal from Panera, and then Becky followed me out to the house with the tv. Happy Birthday, you need to unload your present from her car because I can't, Jason :) Luckily, Uncle Travis was there, so it all worked out. They didn't seem to huff and puff nearly as much as the WM guys.
Will I go next year? Don't think I'll know until the night before. But I will say it was a much more enjoyable experience than I had predicted. I love surprises!! Except for overdrawn notices.
This return to blogging post got kind of long, but again, I have those fast fingers thanks to 15 years of piano, so it flies. I bet you read fast, though.
1. That's about the time that MAP preparation becomes quite intense, on top of the job of maintaining the regular curriculum the rest of the day
2. Entire family took 6 weeks to fight the long-standing flu that was conveniently a non-covered strain by the flu shots we took
3. House was finished being framed, and so the decisions, price comparative shopping, and more intensive involvement was required
4. Wasn't there an ice storm?
5. Neighbor whose wireless internet service I was bumming got evicted (I never said I was perfect)
Honestly, there's really no excuse for the few minutes it takes a day - or week - to log in and write a few lines down. So, with my insomnia that hasn't seemed to fade since I'm staying home, I will do my best to find time to update, but, as the title says, No Guarantees!
I honestly do wish I had been a better documenter over these months. They were filled with changes and new experiences for the kids, and ohh... it just sickens me to think of all the funny moments I thought I wouldn't forget that I never wrote down. So, if you know of any, just send me a keyword and it will jog the memory, hopefully.
So there is no way I can pick up where I left off, but I can start with what is most fresh in my memory, and as I remember missed events worth writing about, I'll add them.
Fresh memory #1: Black Friday
I am not usually a participator in the Black Friday festivities. This year, however, there is quite obviously less stress in my life being a temporary SAHM (stay at home mom - although I hear that the acronym has other meanings...). I usually take one of the holiday days off and spend it in my classroom gearing up for the last month of the semester and decorating for the 'Winter Holiday'. This year, however, I partook in the 'wake your butt up at 2:40 am and stand in line at Kohl's with the other people who are shaking their heads in disbelief that they are there or else filled with amazing amounts of shopping adrenaline' route.
I had been tempted to head to the midnight madness at the outlet stores, but I knew I was gonna need sleep for the Kohl's and Sears rampages, and opted out. Maybe next year. My friend Ginger said it was worth the trouble, but not to go in the opening moments. It's all good at 1:00 am.
It was a surprisingly good experience, all the way around. We filed into Kohl's like regular, polite people - not the scrambling stampede I had pictured. I was with my very experienced friend, Becky, who had given me a number of tips the night before including to have lists attached to the adds in my purse. We hit the door, and she's gone - yelling out, "I've got my cell phone!" It was hilarious. My hand reached for the strap of the last shopping bag available (and we were not too far back in line) as I hear a desperate cry from behind me, "GRAB THAT BAG!!!" She wasn't talking to me. I got a little surge of excitement, and a rare streak of competitiveness, and realized the bag was entangled with another that someone ahead of me was trying to grab. She had a very intense look on her face and I got tickled at the entire situation. I had gone into the day thinking if I come back with nothing on my list, oh well. I'm only out a few hours sleep. She hadn't. I laughed harder, and in this, somehow got the bag. A few passersby were observing the incident and I felt them looking over it like vultures - "Perhaps NEITHER of them will get the bags!!! They're mine!!" I got the bag, and headed to toys.
Just this week, C was talking about her latest test, and that she got 100%, and observing that when she REALLY REALLY likes something, she gets a good grade without trying. We hadn't yet seen the test, and asked which test she was talking about. She said her science test. I said, with shock, "WHAT science test?" I'm a little bit obsessive about study guides, and hadn't seen one come home. She said, "The one about the states in the region." Oh, geography. I calmed down. She said she loves science-geography :) and wanted to know what kind of jobs they get. "Ummmmm.....archaeologists?"
That leads me to the first must-have toy, the interactive Leap Frog Globe, that had a significant price reduction. However, they were on the TOP SHELF. Panic set in, and as I stood there, Becky and a stranger approached, both wanting one as well. There were four. I dashed around looking for a clothes pole, to no avail. Then, I spotted mister tall, white and handsome, being a good husband, shopping with his wife - who looked a bit miffed when I approached him and asked him to get down three of those globes, which he did with ease. Oh, you tall people. The wonderful world you live in. So, success! We have globes!
That's all I needed so I headed to check out, and walked right up to the cashier. No problem. Hung around the front door waiting for Becky. A little too much time had passed, I figured, for her to find the fisher price digital camera she wanted, & wondered if all was well, so I called. "I can't find that (darn) camera ANYWHERE!" Just so happened that the general manager is my neighbor, & had been standing there talking to me. I asked him about it, he walkie talkied, and had a girl walking it up from the training room within minutes. Of course, this gentleman beside me overheard his request and stuck to me like glue, expressing how he was only there for that camera and really needed the camera. He even had memorized which page of the ad the camera was on: 17. Becky sensed the truth, that I was feeling a little pulled to guilt, and she assured me I needed to get rid of that feeling.
No one goes to the south side Wal-Mart expecting to get what they want on Black Friday. It's the busiest Wal-Mart - anywhere, maybe? I had zero hope. But we were in the parking lot already. We had planned to go to our hometown WMs on the way home as to avoid the popular WM, but went ahead and thought what the heck, let's just see. WOW. It had people, but NOTHING like I thought it would. I was #10 in line for the 50" plasma for J's birthday, Christmas, Father's Day, Easter, Valentine's, and then next year's birthday & Christmas - oh, and my Christmas. They don't usually even carry that brand, they told me, but brought it in as a little catnip to dangle. A little scary buying something that pricey sight-unseen, but it was literally 40% of most stores' price, and up to 50% off on a couple of sites on the internet that I checked. 90 return policy didn't hurt, either. Got everything we wanted - except for the $2.00 Christmas Vacation DVD.
On to McD's for a refueling - or maybe just the first fueling (it was only 5:25 at this point!) Almost went deaf due to the teenaged boys behind us and their ultra-cool system. I wonder sometimes if the passengers in those thumping cars might have something to say, but has to wait until they get to the destination to express any thoughts or opinions.
Sears was the next stop. Walked in, got more bargains that you can believe for $90. Two pair of 'boots with the fur' for C, a karaoke system with instruments for L, 2 adorable winter coates for the kids, pjs & matching slippers for me, and several very (surprisingly - not a Sears clothing fan, really) cute clothes for C. Crazy. And would you believe their service ROCKED! Not to mention they had the tv on display that I had just purchased for 20% more as their short term doorbuster price and it looked beautiful. I felt better.
Hmmm..did a little more mall shopping. Fun, fun, fun. Shopping while the sun comes up. Tttthhhheeeennnn wwweeee sssttaarrrrttteeeddd ttoooo ssssllllloooowwww dddooowwwnn. We needed a pick-me-up. Off to meet Angie at a local winery for muffins & mimosas - but not before we made one more stop at another WM for a couple of forgotten items. We followed up the stop with Angie with a real meal from Panera, and then Becky followed me out to the house with the tv. Happy Birthday, you need to unload your present from her car because I can't, Jason :) Luckily, Uncle Travis was there, so it all worked out. They didn't seem to huff and puff nearly as much as the WM guys.
Will I go next year? Don't think I'll know until the night before. But I will say it was a much more enjoyable experience than I had predicted. I love surprises!! Except for overdrawn notices.
This return to blogging post got kind of long, but again, I have those fast fingers thanks to 15 years of piano, so it flies. I bet you read fast, though.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
God is soooo good.
(Found this one in drafts from October 8th. Thought I'd throw it in.)
I think I met my quota today on answered prayers. I was on my knees so much today that there are carpet imprints! Both of my big ones were answered, almost immediately, and then Courtney came home with a smile on her face saying, "Mom! God was totally listening last night and he answered my prayer!" She had prayed for a little friend of hers to have a change of heart who had been giving her a hard time on the school bus. That was it. I think my jaws hurt from smiling so much. One more prayer, God: Let me remember days like these when I'm not hearing You like I should.
I think I met my quota today on answered prayers. I was on my knees so much today that there are carpet imprints! Both of my big ones were answered, almost immediately, and then Courtney came home with a smile on her face saying, "Mom! God was totally listening last night and he answered my prayer!" She had prayed for a little friend of hers to have a change of heart who had been giving her a hard time on the school bus. That was it. I think my jaws hurt from smiling so much. One more prayer, God: Let me remember days like these when I'm not hearing You like I should.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Sebatical Rationale
(Another old draft I never posted from April 10th)
I never thought, as a child, teenager, or young adult, that I wanted to be a stay-at-home-mom. I saw myself as a business woman first, which somehow grew into wanting to be a country music star (remember my day with Roy Clark?), into a music teacher, then a human resources manager. Here I am, an elementary teacher. All kinds of reasons why those others didn't work out. And what's fun about my job, is I can pretty much work in some facets of all those other jobs into this one.
There can understandably be a misconception that I am 'tired of teaching'. Yes, I'm a teacher, and teaching makes you tired. Particularly this time of year. However, there are some days I can hardly picture an August rolling around without the nervous and excited anticipation of the new lives I get to be a part of, the stories I get to tell them, the funny things they'll do that may or may not make it into the funny book...
I never thought, as a child, teenager, or young adult, that I wanted to be a stay-at-home-mom. I saw myself as a business woman first, which somehow grew into wanting to be a country music star (remember my day with Roy Clark?), into a music teacher, then a human resources manager. Here I am, an elementary teacher. All kinds of reasons why those others didn't work out. And what's fun about my job, is I can pretty much work in some facets of all those other jobs into this one.
There can understandably be a misconception that I am 'tired of teaching'. Yes, I'm a teacher, and teaching makes you tired. Particularly this time of year. However, there are some days I can hardly picture an August rolling around without the nervous and excited anticipation of the new lives I get to be a part of, the stories I get to tell them, the funny things they'll do that may or may not make it into the funny book...
Friday, February 15, 2008
More funny book
I know what you want...you want more funny book entries. Well, lucky you. I have some.
* Winter 2007: Multiple coffee incidents. 1. Coffee came out of my nose while I was teaching and had gotten tickled at something a student said, innocently. Unfortunately, that was at the same moment my principal leaned in to say, "Good Morning." 2. "Rachel" accidentally caused a ripple effect avalanche that caused my coffee to fall all over the kids' just-finished chapter test. Had to return them all in that Friday's parent folder with a note explaining the strong smell of Amaretto. The next day, her sweet mother sent me a gift bag, so nicely decorated, with a sippie cup inside. The card read, "I heard you might need a new coffee mug." Love that family. 3. Same week, no kidding, got bumped at the coffee station in the workroom and hot coffee went down my pants. I had to greet my students at the door that morning and explain there had been yet another coffee spill. You would think I would lay off the coffee, but there is no way that's happening.
* Winter, 2007: Not funny, just freaky. Teaching the lesson on the importance of lining up your decimals, I tell them about Frank Fazoli, blah blah blah, and at one point in this made-up story that for some reason they always hang on my every word to, it gets to the part where the secretary buzzes in for the big boss, Frank. At that very moment, my cell phone (accidentally forgot to turn it off that day) goes off in my pocket. Freaky.
* Fall, 2007: We'll call him "Kevin", one of my personal favorites - happens to be autistic, and in his little, nasal voice, asks (always too loudly), "Uh, Mrs. Clark? Um..um...I need to go to the bathroom. I've gotta take one."
*We'll call her "Kylie", our first year teaching, we're in the stalls after school, taking care of business. She calls out, "Is that you, Clarkie?" I said, "Yup." She answers, "Well, you might want to get out of here fast, because I'm gonna be doing some damage." We hear our principal's voice answer, "Thanks, Kylie. I appreciate the heads up!" (our bathrooms were so cleverly designed to where the boys walk through the entrance to the girls' restroom to their own. She and I couldn't breathe for a minute or two.
Well, that's all I have. Really. The book is just blank after that.
* Winter 2007: Multiple coffee incidents. 1. Coffee came out of my nose while I was teaching and had gotten tickled at something a student said, innocently. Unfortunately, that was at the same moment my principal leaned in to say, "Good Morning." 2. "Rachel" accidentally caused a ripple effect avalanche that caused my coffee to fall all over the kids' just-finished chapter test. Had to return them all in that Friday's parent folder with a note explaining the strong smell of Amaretto. The next day, her sweet mother sent me a gift bag, so nicely decorated, with a sippie cup inside. The card read, "I heard you might need a new coffee mug." Love that family. 3. Same week, no kidding, got bumped at the coffee station in the workroom and hot coffee went down my pants. I had to greet my students at the door that morning and explain there had been yet another coffee spill. You would think I would lay off the coffee, but there is no way that's happening.
* Winter, 2007: Not funny, just freaky. Teaching the lesson on the importance of lining up your decimals, I tell them about Frank Fazoli, blah blah blah, and at one point in this made-up story that for some reason they always hang on my every word to, it gets to the part where the secretary buzzes in for the big boss, Frank. At that very moment, my cell phone (accidentally forgot to turn it off that day) goes off in my pocket. Freaky.
* Fall, 2007: We'll call him "Kevin", one of my personal favorites - happens to be autistic, and in his little, nasal voice, asks (always too loudly), "Uh, Mrs. Clark? Um..um...I need to go to the bathroom. I've gotta take one."
*We'll call her "Kylie", our first year teaching, we're in the stalls after school, taking care of business. She calls out, "Is that you, Clarkie?" I said, "Yup." She answers, "Well, you might want to get out of here fast, because I'm gonna be doing some damage." We hear our principal's voice answer, "Thanks, Kylie. I appreciate the heads up!" (our bathrooms were so cleverly designed to where the boys walk through the entrance to the girls' restroom to their own. She and I couldn't breathe for a minute or two.
Well, that's all I have. Really. The book is just blank after that.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
From My Funny Book
As you know, kids do say - and do - the darndest things. I have kept a book of some of these funnies, when I remember to write them down. I assure you that they might not be as funny here as they were in the classroom when they happened.
*We'll call him "Austin". Very sweet, but serious boy. We had read The Sign of the Beaver, in which the main character's cabin is raided by bears and the sugar, flour, and molasses were ruined. Austin instead wrote: "sugar, flour, and margaritas" in perfect cursive.
*We'll call her "Nicole". Super sweet, usually quite with-it girl. Someone tried to get me off track (happens a lot) and I said, "Oh..HERE we go!!" She raises her hand and says, "Where are we going?"
*At open house, parents sign-up for conferences for the next month. As I read out loud who was signed up for what time for the students to write an additional reminder in their assignment books, I got to 'Harriet Booker'. GARRETT was humiliated, due to his mom's very fancy writing.
*The Shamrock. This one is X-rated, really. I still crack up thinking about it, and St. Patrick's Day is just around the corner! I have a template for a very friendly shamrock we decorate to our own likes and personalities (i.e. the skateboarder shamrock, the cheerleader shamrock, the punk-rocker or Hannah Montana shamrock), then we attach limericks to them. 5 years doing this, and I never realized until one day as I looked up and realized that the 'stem' of the shamrock was centered, long, curved, and for 3-dimensional effect had a circular 'nob' on the end. The next year, the shamrocks were neutered.
*We'll call him "Ryan", and he had a pronounced speech impediment. He had written a story that was very touching, about two brothers who had all these adventures (Jake & Bob). At the end, they grew up and went to college and got married. The previous sentence went something like this, "Jake and Bob's parents had always wanted lots of grandkids." The next sentence was SUPPOSED to sound like, "Jake and Bob got married and had six." Innocent enough. But when Ryan said it, what we heard was, as the grand finale to his little story, "Jake and Bob got married and had sex. The end." All the air went out of the room. I couldn't breathe and clapped as soon as I could to distract myself, hoping 10 year olds were too young to catch on - they weren't.
*I like to have the students take their spelling words and make a story or play out of them. It's fun to see how different the stories can be using the same 24 words, and it lets me know if they understand the meaning of the words. This particular week, "wrapped" was one of our words. A very innocent paper about a gift-wrapping factory evolved from one of my more spelling-challenged students. It went something like this:
"Can you rape my gift?" the customer asked the worker. "Yes, we rape gifts all the time." So she raped the dollhouse, then she raped the rocking horse, and the weirdest thing she had to rape was a fruitcake!"
It went on like this for about a page. I was crying.
*Each week in spelling, the students do a 'cloze' activity where there is a story made up of spelling words, but the words are omitted. The students fill in the blank from the list of words. Anyway, sometimes, students can see that more than one word would work in a situation. Like this one. We'll call her "Michelle". Here is the excerpt from the story, the way is was supposed to read: "The next thing he knew, he was in the hospital wearing a cast from his calf to his hip." Unfortunately, Michelle will now be known for using another word instead of 'calf', because 'crack' was also on the spelling list that week. ...from his crack to his hip. I thought I could keep rolling and maintain composure, but not that time.
*We do class compliments. They are so sweet. And the kids really look forward to them. It was "Kirsi's" turn to receive compliments and a little girl named "Cheyenne" had a little trouble with it. They had never been too close, you might say. She wrote and then read aloud to the class, "Kirsi has always been a good pusher when she is trying to get off the bus." What do you say to that?
*I am seriously laughing out loud as soon as I read this just now from my funny book. I always tell the students to come up with a 'catchy title' for their Science Fair project to attract the judges. Last year's Science Fair might have attracted the wrong kind of judge. I had a student (whose dad actually did the whole project - very wrong - for him, oh well) title his project / experiment on how fast a car would go down a ramp, "A Strong, Natural Motion." Each time I think of that, I picture Barry White and some kind scene where there is red satin & dark chocolate all swirled around...
*Another science fair funny from last year. "Cody" & "Nathan" (not my brightest two, but very sweet boys) used a very different font, kind of hard to read, for their big signs on their Science Fair Board Presentation. Unfortunately, the "H" on the end of "GRAPH" had not been glued well enough and didn't stay put. When they put it up in the gym, you saw the category "GRAP", which with that font, looked like "CRAP". They didn't score too well, so it was kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy.
*We did a clothes drive last year for kids on a Central American country. I had this boy last year - loved him - (we'll call him "Nathaniel") he never knew thought how some things sounded until they were already out there. When the kids were asking what kinds of things they needed, the student council representative answered with items like: shirts, shorts, good shoes for hot climates, etc. Nathaniel raised his hand, so serious, and asked, "What about bathing suits? GIRLS bathing suits?"
*This might sound unconventional, but I arm-wrestled "Jared" in an effort to prove fact vs. opinion (it's a fact Mrs. Clark is stronger than Jared - it's an opinion that Mrs. Clark is a sore loser when she loses.) Jared did beat me - totally unexpected, that never happens - but then, lost his balance when I released his arm, and fell against the rolling computer cart, which had the angel "Nathaniel" from above had given me, the angel fell, and lost it's head, for the second time that year, and rolled across the classroom in silence. I don't remember who, but I heard, "It's my opinion that Jared is gonna be in TROUBLE!"
Gotta go. Hubby wants me home 'at 5 sharp' tonight. Hmmm...Valentine's surprise? I hope so!
*We'll call him "Austin". Very sweet, but serious boy. We had read The Sign of the Beaver, in which the main character's cabin is raided by bears and the sugar, flour, and molasses were ruined. Austin instead wrote: "sugar, flour, and margaritas" in perfect cursive.
*We'll call her "Nicole". Super sweet, usually quite with-it girl. Someone tried to get me off track (happens a lot) and I said, "Oh..HERE we go!!" She raises her hand and says, "Where are we going?"
*At open house, parents sign-up for conferences for the next month. As I read out loud who was signed up for what time for the students to write an additional reminder in their assignment books, I got to 'Harriet Booker'. GARRETT was humiliated, due to his mom's very fancy writing.
*The Shamrock. This one is X-rated, really. I still crack up thinking about it, and St. Patrick's Day is just around the corner! I have a template for a very friendly shamrock we decorate to our own likes and personalities (i.e. the skateboarder shamrock, the cheerleader shamrock, the punk-rocker or Hannah Montana shamrock), then we attach limericks to them. 5 years doing this, and I never realized until one day as I looked up and realized that the 'stem' of the shamrock was centered, long, curved, and for 3-dimensional effect had a circular 'nob' on the end. The next year, the shamrocks were neutered.
*We'll call him "Ryan", and he had a pronounced speech impediment. He had written a story that was very touching, about two brothers who had all these adventures (Jake & Bob). At the end, they grew up and went to college and got married. The previous sentence went something like this, "Jake and Bob's parents had always wanted lots of grandkids." The next sentence was SUPPOSED to sound like, "Jake and Bob got married and had six." Innocent enough. But when Ryan said it, what we heard was, as the grand finale to his little story, "Jake and Bob got married and had sex. The end." All the air went out of the room. I couldn't breathe and clapped as soon as I could to distract myself, hoping 10 year olds were too young to catch on - they weren't.
*I like to have the students take their spelling words and make a story or play out of them. It's fun to see how different the stories can be using the same 24 words, and it lets me know if they understand the meaning of the words. This particular week, "wrapped" was one of our words. A very innocent paper about a gift-wrapping factory evolved from one of my more spelling-challenged students. It went something like this:
"Can you rape my gift?" the customer asked the worker. "Yes, we rape gifts all the time." So she raped the dollhouse, then she raped the rocking horse, and the weirdest thing she had to rape was a fruitcake!"
It went on like this for about a page. I was crying.
*Each week in spelling, the students do a 'cloze' activity where there is a story made up of spelling words, but the words are omitted. The students fill in the blank from the list of words. Anyway, sometimes, students can see that more than one word would work in a situation. Like this one. We'll call her "Michelle". Here is the excerpt from the story, the way is was supposed to read: "The next thing he knew, he was in the hospital wearing a cast from his calf to his hip." Unfortunately, Michelle will now be known for using another word instead of 'calf', because 'crack' was also on the spelling list that week. ...from his crack to his hip. I thought I could keep rolling and maintain composure, but not that time.
*We do class compliments. They are so sweet. And the kids really look forward to them. It was "Kirsi's" turn to receive compliments and a little girl named "Cheyenne" had a little trouble with it. They had never been too close, you might say. She wrote and then read aloud to the class, "Kirsi has always been a good pusher when she is trying to get off the bus." What do you say to that?
*I am seriously laughing out loud as soon as I read this just now from my funny book. I always tell the students to come up with a 'catchy title' for their Science Fair project to attract the judges. Last year's Science Fair might have attracted the wrong kind of judge. I had a student (whose dad actually did the whole project - very wrong - for him, oh well) title his project / experiment on how fast a car would go down a ramp, "A Strong, Natural Motion." Each time I think of that, I picture Barry White and some kind scene where there is red satin & dark chocolate all swirled around...
*Another science fair funny from last year. "Cody" & "Nathan" (not my brightest two, but very sweet boys) used a very different font, kind of hard to read, for their big signs on their Science Fair Board Presentation. Unfortunately, the "H" on the end of "GRAPH" had not been glued well enough and didn't stay put. When they put it up in the gym, you saw the category "GRAP", which with that font, looked like "CRAP". They didn't score too well, so it was kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy.
*We did a clothes drive last year for kids on a Central American country. I had this boy last year - loved him - (we'll call him "Nathaniel") he never knew thought how some things sounded until they were already out there. When the kids were asking what kinds of things they needed, the student council representative answered with items like: shirts, shorts, good shoes for hot climates, etc. Nathaniel raised his hand, so serious, and asked, "What about bathing suits? GIRLS bathing suits?"
*This might sound unconventional, but I arm-wrestled "Jared" in an effort to prove fact vs. opinion (it's a fact Mrs. Clark is stronger than Jared - it's an opinion that Mrs. Clark is a sore loser when she loses.) Jared did beat me - totally unexpected, that never happens - but then, lost his balance when I released his arm, and fell against the rolling computer cart, which had the angel "Nathaniel" from above had given me, the angel fell, and lost it's head, for the second time that year, and rolled across the classroom in silence. I don't remember who, but I heard, "It's my opinion that Jared is gonna be in TROUBLE!"
Gotta go. Hubby wants me home 'at 5 sharp' tonight. Hmmm...Valentine's surprise? I hope so!
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